I run everyday and today I was at the YMCA. With my iPod in, I couldn't hear anything and was frightened by my old tennis coach. He surprisingly talked my ear off about tennis, his bad foot, and college. Simple, enjoyable conversation, yet I always analyze everything. Something inherited I swear, because my dad could work for the F.B.I. today without training and analyze a terrorist no problem. But my old coach said I didn't recognize you running over here; thought it was Miss America. I chuckled and said, "Yeah right far from that!" He chuckled as well and asked the usual questions when asked about college like, "How are you liking it? How are your grades? What is your major?" And my personal favorite. "Do you have a boyfriend?" I laughed and said,"I'm too busy to focus on anything besides school." Valid comment, yet I didn't say what I really wanted to which was I'm waiting on myself to trust others. He went onto say, "You're beautiful, I mean you work out everyday and keep your body in shape; you're smart; one of the sweetest people I've ever met; and most of all you're tough. You got the whole package." This made me feel good, but he was right I am tough. I don't give up and that showed in tennis. I am tough on myself, and anyone else who tries to get to know me.
There's nothing wrong with these questions except the last one always bugs me. Of course as an expert over analyzer I start to wonder why I do not, and I remember why. I have trust issues which if you are close to me then you know why, and I did not wish to spill out for the world to know. I wish I could give people chances, but I've been on so many dates with guys that I can read them. Don't prejudge. Nice saying, but honestly everyone does it, and I give people chances to a certain extent, because I always have this gut feeling that tells me otherwise. Sometimes you can't think with your head or your heart, because both are completely different. My dad can figure out people within five minutes of meeting them and their intentions. I'm not saying weird fortune telling nonsense; I mean he can tell what people are going to do. He called that my friend would move to play basketball ten years before it happened and sure enough it did. That is just one example, but every time he says something it comes true. I guess I got lucky and inherited that trait. Whenever I've had a gut feeling; it was always right. Call me crazy, but it's helped me not get hurt in the long run. People tell me it's a wonderful thing to have, because I'm not young and naive.
Being young and naive I feel would be an innocent feeling to have for once. Fall into love headfirst, fearless. Then again, everyone assumes love is this feeling you have towards another person. I agree partly. 1 Corinthians 13, "Love is patient, love is kind..." Love is an action. It goes onto say in verse 13, "And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love." Love is unselfish gift to others. Faith is loyalty or complete trust in God or someone else. Hope is to desire something with confident expectation of its fulfillment. So would it be safe to say that if faith and hope in someone is in line, love is complete? These are just my thoughts, and no one besides God has defined love. Even if I don't realize some things in life, I do know one person who loves me always and forever (my dad doesn't count ha!), but Jesus. He loved me enough to die for ME and you! How many people would die for you? Someone who didn't know you die for you? I can't imagine any stronger love than that. "This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us."- 1 John 3:16.
Even if trust is my downfall, I am willing to learn how to trust again. Without trust/faith/hope in someone you really never have loved. I realize I am my hardest critic. The other day my dad even said, "I wish you weren't so independent so I could do stuff for you. You don't trust other people and would rather do things yourself because you know what you want and how you're going to get it." True. Makes me sound like such a loving person? Not at all. It made me think, maybe I need to let people help me and trust. I've always been the person to go to for help no matter what. I live up to that, and never have known what it is like to go to someone else for help. I feel like I need that one person in my life that I can say I need to vent and they don't have to say anything at all. I don't want a guy to feed me cheesy lines or give me what I want to hear. The people I respected most in my life believed in me and pushed me to my limits. I want someone to push me to my limits (in a good way). Push me to be the best person I can be, and we can both bring out the best in ourselves and grow each day in love...God's love.
"Yeah, I wish that everyone would just feel the same way about everyone else and then everything would be so simple! No one would get hurt!"-quote from my best friend about life tonight over skype.
What a perfect world that would seem. I hope in the future I am more open and trusting to others, so they can see what everyone else sees in me. The whole package.
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